I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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