You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
