: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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