You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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