i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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