oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I need to align my fucking chakras
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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