70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
