I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I smell like Dick and happiness
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
