he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
