if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Just invented taco cereal.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
