I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
