Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
