Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
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Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
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"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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