just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
