Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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