just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40