Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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