um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
