so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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