life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
