the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
