DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I party with great urgency now.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize