She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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