I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Randomize
