I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
