so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
