For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
