Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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