Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
