I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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