I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
