You really coming over, don't trick.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
as a side note pls kill me
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
