I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
pray to the hookup gods
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
