Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
