Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
