Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
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i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
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