So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
