Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
