Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
