So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
She even gives head with a lisp.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
