I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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