It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
