Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
