he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
