I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
you had me at cake vodka
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
