You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
