I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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