Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
