there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
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Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
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Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
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