While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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