Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
