took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
