is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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