i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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