Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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