We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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