guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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