youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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