I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
