first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
