apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
