After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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