I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
