if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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