Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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