I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
