Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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