I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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