He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
We left the knife in your bed.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
