I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
