his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
