She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
