Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Michael Bay diarrhea
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i think i scared a bird with my dick
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
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