Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
